Yes… I want to talk about Batman.
Anyone who knows me very well at all knows that batman is a touchy subject with me. Batman was, and still is, my favorite hero from the comic books. But there are two Dark knights out there…
there’s the one that I grew up reading about in Detective Comics and then there’s the one that they put in the movies now-a-days.
The Batman that they have in movies now relies on his money… and that’s just plain bullshit. He relies on bulletproof armor and high tech gadgets built by someone else. He has others do most of his detective work for him and uses his millions to make Bruce Wayne look like a prick. And for some reason, just being bad-ass Batman isn’t enough… they had to make him more like faggy ass Superman.
In the beginning of the Dark Knight Movie, a guy comes at Batman with a Rifle and Batman grabs the rifle barrel with one hand and bends it into a U.
Now, two factors have to be in play here.
1. Batman has to have Super-strength.
2. The bad guy has to have Super-strength.
Why is this you ask?
…because, batman need Super-strength to bend the barrel and the Bad guy needs Super-strength to hold onto the rifle while batman bends it… otherwise the rifle would have just been ripped right out of his grip.
Right after this scene, Batman Karate-chops through the side of a Van, gets knocked off onto a cinder-block wall at 60 mph and then jumps down 16 stories and lands on a moving Van… CRUSHING it under his weight, yet he is completely unharmed… accept for the bullet wound in his arm. By the end of the movie they have used some sort of unexplained sonar-based cell-phone technology that allows Batman to see everything all at once like the Dare-Devil.
His suit is so armored he can’t move his neck. This is just an updated version of the old Batman movie costume that was made of rubber and came equipped with a programmable remote-control Batarang, extending spatula of doom that shoots out of his wrist so he doesn’t actually have to punch someone and… Bat-Nipples.
Why don’t we just get Adam West back in the suit and get it over with.
The Batman I grew to love came from Detective Comic.
This is so because he was a DETECTIVE who spent years and years learning Martial arts, Forensics, Escape-artists techniques and he put on the Suit to strike fear into thugs in the middle of the night and retain his anonymity.
The Bat-Suit wasn’t bulletproof; it was more like Special Forces Sweater material and some leather. It was light-weight so he could move. Batman ran and jumped and swung from Grappling hooks. He dodged gun fire at close range and used subterfuge and trickery to avoid getting into situations that he couldn’t handle one-on-one. And when he did get close to the bad guys he fought using several different forms of Martial-Arts… he broke bones, he fucked guys up… he made people fear him. Mob bosses would Shit their pants at the mere sight of his shadow.
His Utility Belt didn’t have stupid shit like Shark-Repellant or a Bat-Shield… no.
His Utility belt had shit that used for his subterfuge and detective work. Like smoke bombs, tweezers and veils, tracking devises and a fingerprinting kit. He had a Super Computer in the Bat-cave where he did all his research and the Batmobile was a Lamborghini with some small modification.
The Batman that I grew up loving was a Bad-ass. He hung with other super-powered Superheroes even though he was just a regular man. He was supposed to embody what a normal person could do if they really put their heart and soul into something. He was looked upon as a criminal at first, a vigilante who played by his own rules. He was the batman… Bruce Wayne was his alter ego.
He even Kicked the Shit out of Superman on several occasions.
I really kind of hate what they have done to my beloved Batman in today’s movies. And I think the only reason that they do it is because they think that’s all we will like and believe. That a guy couldn’t be such a bad-ass without a billion dollar armored super-suit. Bullshit! I want Batman back, not Iron-man in a black cape.
You think they can’t do it… watch this video from “The Protector”. This is how Batman is supposed to fight and move… For God’s Sake, put this guy in a Sweater-type Batman Suit and let’s have a Real Movie about The Dark Knight Detective!
Fuck you Hollywood.
